misternathan

i think im ready to talk again....a little....your whole life can change instantly with just one life event...one tragic event...my partner...alex...of 4 yrs has been diagnosed with stage 4 endometrial cancer on jan 18 2008...and im not going to lie....its been really rough...i have heard of women having cancer...i have gone to supporting events for cancer....but you never really know anything about it...until you or someone very close to you lives thru it..."Endometrial cancer is most common after the reproductive years, between the ages of 60 and 70"...alex is 31......very uncommon......we went in on the 18 to have a hysterectomy with some knowledge that the uterus had some cancerous fibroids growing…..surgery would take place to remove the uterus and everything would be fine....they found out the cancer cells had spread beyond the uterus and would then be inoperable...so then came the devastating news....and then the pcn...then radiation.....now on feb 21, chemo will start....wow....i mean this is very surreal....we are in one of the top places to be at for cancer tho....duke is an excellent hospital to be in....so we are doing everything possible.....the ironic thing about this whole thing is...its very interesting how life makes you ready for your next highway...when alex and i first met...i had a huge alcohol problem...so needless to say he took care of me...and supported me...was the caretaker....responsible....now .....our roles are completely reversed....its me now.....im very fortunate that I have an understanding boss and I am able to work at home to take Alex to radiation..the family has been helping as well...had this happen 4 yrs ago...even 2 yrs ago....i would not be able to live up to this role much less function in this role.......i will admit....i saw our relationship ending before this cancer....i had different needs and wants at the time...now im putting my needs and wants 2nd and im helping to fight for a life....which im very surprised at myself for behaving this way...im a very selfish person....but im doing this for someone who has helped fight for my life....not nearly the same...but same concept…..when no one else stood beside me....to help me find my way....alex was there…

i have had a streak of bad luck lately....from clumsiness to stupid mistakes...the one that topped it off was last night.....i went to work about 10pm to get the on call blackberry....i was leaving the business park...and i rolled past the stop sign....of all the worst luck in the world...a cop was waiting for me...at 10pm....on a road that no one ever comes down at night much less a cop....he was waiting for me...thats what really pisses me off..he gave me a citation...i lost it.....i really lost it...after he left...i cussed...i screamed..i kicked my truck...i threw a full fledge temper....it lasted about 10 min...i just screamed and let it all out..there is houses on the road...but no traffic....i think that beast was stuck in me since cancer has been in our everyday vocabulary...i felt tons better....then i decided to leave in case someone called the cop back and they might arrest me....then alex called and i pulled off and screamed and vented some more.....i feel tons better....and now my voice has thickened becuz of it.....lol...i mean come on...just when your life is almost perfect….and then your life gets completely turned upside down and the bad luck just will not go away…

im still doing excellent in my transitioning....i just celebrate it with a little less noise....my stomach/forearms/thighs is almost completely covered with a good first layer of hair....my vshape stomach muscles are well defined....my adams apple is well developed and defined...all my muscles are defined…..especially my biceps/triceps.....my bodyfat percentage has gone way down....my face has changed again this month....my sideburns are growing in their first layer ...finally!....my voice is deeper....as each month passes....im loving my body as it maturely grows into manhood....im planning on a red honda rebel in march...and im getting my first professional video camera....alex and I are going to have our first tattoo together soon.. ...im really getting into motocross and supercross lately....on the ps3 and tv events.......i wanted to see a monster truck racing event back in jan but couldnt…...next time...... we are just taking it day by day and trying to live life to the fullest….
btw...this haircut...we are not too crazy about it......i liked it better with my top longer....heres to 6 months on t!!!....